Existential Crisis

Featured Book: No Exit

"To be a woman is to confront the freedom and responsibility of existence head-on. As Sartre taught, existence precedes essence, so a woman is not born with a predefined role or purpose. Her essence is something she creates through her actions, decisions, and the meaning she assigns to her life. It’s about living with authenticity, forging her path, and defining what it means to be a woman on her own terms." - ME as a pseudo-existentialist in a beauty pageant

They say that once you dive into the works of Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus, there’s no fixing you. I can relate to that. The first time I picked up their books, I had no idea just how much they would change me. But now, after immersing myself in their thoughts, I can feel the difference. The shift in the way I see the world and my place in it.

Existentialism isn’t just a philosophy; it’s a lens through which everything else starts to look different. Sartre’s ideas on freedom and responsibility, and Camus’ thoughts on absurdity and the search for meaning, have a way of digging deep into your soul. They force you to confront the uncomfortable truths about life, and once you’ve seen those truths, it’s hard to unsee them. 

For me, this journey into existentialism has brought on a deep sense of crisis. It’s not a crisis in the sense of panic or fear, but more of a deep questioning about everything: What does it all mean? What am I supposed to do with this existence? The more I think about it, the more I realize that these questions don’t have easy answers...if they have answers at all.

Knowing Sartre and Camus has made me acutely aware of the contradictions in life. We crave meaning, yet we’re confronted with the "absurd". We’re free to make our own choices, yet that freedom can feel overwhelming. We search for purpose, but purpose is something we have to create for ourselves, often in a world that seems indifferent to our struggles.

And so, here I am, yapping nonsense with these ideas, feeling both liberated and burdened by them. There’s a certain beauty in embracing the absurd, in acknowledging that life doesn’t have to have a predetermined meaning. But there’s also a weight that comes with it, a weight that I carry with me every day.

It’s a strange feeling. Sometimes it feels like too much, like the world is too big and my place in it too small. But other times, it’s empowering to know that I am the author of my own story, that I have the freedom to choose how I respond to the absurdity around me. Oftentimes, it's scary.

I don’t have it all figured out, obviously. I am far from it. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe this isn’t about finding answers, but about learning to live with questions. It’s about embracing the uncertainty, the freedom, the absurdity, and finding a way to make peace with it all... but just how? Well, that's the point, right? To  keep questioning, exploring, and perhaps... growing.

For now, I’ll keep reading, keep (over) thinking, and keep searching. And even though it feels like there’s no fixing me after Sartre and Camus, maybe that’s okay. Just deal with it, okay? It's me now. 

P.S //Thank you for understanding this phase of mine.