Missed Opportunity : A REDIRECTION

Lately, I find myself walking down memory lane, tracing back milestones and memories I had almost forgotten. One memory in particular resurfaced out of nowhere. It's about a life-changing opportunity that I’ve kept to myself all these years, never sharing it with even my closest friends or family.

Quick Story:
After college, a part of me still yearned to pursue for further study. So, I tried my luck for a scholarship for a Master’s Degree at Mother of Life Center (MOLC).

It was granted and here’s part of the email confirmation that I received:

"Greetings in Mary, Mother of Life!"

We are happy to announce your admission as a scholar at MOTHER OF LIFE CENTER (MOLC) for the academic year 2013-2014. Please find the attached Letter of Acceptance and a Direction Map to the Center, along with the necessary requirements. We look forward to your confirmation and attendance. Congratulations, and may God bless you!"





I was excited about this opportunity, but as a fresh grad, I lacked the financial resources. Eventhough the scholarship covered tuition, I still needed to shoulder transportation, living expenses, and other necessities. Most of the scholars had sponsors from sectarian groups or private people, but I didn’t know anyone who could help me with these costs.

Knowing our family's situation too well, I didn’t tell them. As a fresh graduate, I was hoping to earn immediately, so, I DECLINED the opportunity and instead found employment right after.

While I was at PSI, working as a bayaning puyat, I received another call from MOLC's Dean of Studies, trying to convince me not to give up on the scholarship. Fact: Only two people (including me) from the entire Negros Island had qualified.

I sometimes wonder: What if I had pursued Mother of Life? Would I have become a nun, as I once considered? Or maybe I would’ve finished and followed my passion for teaching Religious Studies?

Well, who knows? It's all in the past now and my "not-stpd-afterall" choices had led me to FH and, eventually, to my husband's loving arms. char! [cheesy ka gurl?]

Indeed, life is full of choices. Some we pursue, some we let go. There’s no sense in dwelling on what could have been. Life is about creating our own meaning from the choices we make. I am where I am, not because it was meant to be, but because I chose this path, and I stand by it.

Happy Birthday, Maria!

Happy Birthday, Maria!

To me, you’re more like a soulmate than just being a neighbor, classmate, distant relative, and barkada. What we have is something special --- it’s in every shared memory and in the unspoken understanding between us -- it is something indescribable. Now, look at you... Sed’s appointed guardian! 

How have you been? I can only imagine how challenging life in Aus must be for you. Having been an OFW myself, I know the weight of being far from home all too well. and I couldn’t be prouder of you for making it this far. Your absence made a great impact on me. I didn't see it coming. You are greatly missed. Since you left, I’ve felt so sepanx, but ofcourse, you know nothing about this because I know you’re already battling homesickness. You’ve had to be strong, and so have I, in different ways. I know you’re doing everything to adjust, to be resilient, and to face the challenges ahead. And I admire you for that.

I truly hope you’ve found some happiness there. I hope you’re fighting for the life you deserve, even when things feel heavy. I know you might be keeping some struggles to yourself, and even though I’d love to ask you all about them, I’ll just wait until you’re ready to share.

Just know that, no matter what, we are always here for you. Ready to listen, ready to support you the way you’ve always supported us. The distance might be far, but our love and connection aren’t going anywhere. We are always with you in prayers.

All I hope for is that you’re okay, that you’re finding strength in each day, and that you remember... we’re here, whenever you need us. You are part of our family.

XoXo, Team V.

Existential Crisis

Featured Book: No Exit

"To be a woman is to confront the freedom and responsibility of existence head-on. As Sartre taught, existence precedes essence, so a woman is not born with a predefined role or purpose. Her essence is something she creates through her actions, decisions, and the meaning she assigns to her life. It’s about living with authenticity, forging her path, and defining what it means to be a woman on her own terms." - ME as a pseudo-existentialist in a beauty pageant

They say that once you dive into the works of Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus, there’s no fixing you. I can relate to that. The first time I picked up their books, I had no idea just how much they would change me. But now, after immersing myself in their thoughts, I can feel the difference. The shift in the way I see the world and my place in it.

Existentialism isn’t just a philosophy; it’s a lens through which everything else starts to look different. Sartre’s ideas on freedom and responsibility, and Camus’ thoughts on absurdity and the search for meaning, have a way of digging deep into your soul. They force you to confront the uncomfortable truths about life, and once you’ve seen those truths, it’s hard to unsee them. 

For me, this journey into existentialism has brought on a deep sense of crisis. It’s not a crisis in the sense of panic or fear, but more of a deep questioning about everything: What does it all mean? What am I supposed to do with this existence? The more I think about it, the more I realize that these questions don’t have easy answers...if they have answers at all.

Knowing Sartre and Camus has made me acutely aware of the contradictions in life. We crave meaning, yet we’re confronted with the "absurd". We’re free to make our own choices, yet that freedom can feel overwhelming. We search for purpose, but purpose is something we have to create for ourselves, often in a world that seems indifferent to our struggles.

And so, here I am, yapping nonsense with these ideas, feeling both liberated and burdened by them. There’s a certain beauty in embracing the absurd, in acknowledging that life doesn’t have to have a predetermined meaning. But there’s also a weight that comes with it, a weight that I carry with me every day.

It’s a strange feeling. Sometimes it feels like too much, like the world is too big and my place in it too small. But other times, it’s empowering to know that I am the author of my own story, that I have the freedom to choose how I respond to the absurdity around me. Oftentimes, it's scary.

I don’t have it all figured out, obviously. I am far from it. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe this isn’t about finding answers, but about learning to live with questions. It’s about embracing the uncertainty, the freedom, the absurdity, and finding a way to make peace with it all... but just how? Well, that's the point, right? To  keep questioning, exploring, and perhaps... growing.

For now, I’ll keep reading, keep (over) thinking, and keep searching. And even though it feels like there’s no fixing me after Sartre and Camus, maybe that’s okay. Just deal with it, okay? It's me now. 

P.S //Thank you for understanding this phase of mine.