Life has a funny way of catching up with you, especially when you least expect it. Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit lost, like I’m stuck in a place where I’m not sure who I am or where I’m headed. It’s as if everything from my past is suddenly weighing on me, and I’m struggling to find my way through it.
Growing up wasn’t easy. I was raised by my grandmother, and while I’m grateful for all she did, it was a tough life. We didn’t have much, and that’s something that sticks with you. I never really had a chance to build strong connections with people outside my small exclusive circle. Trust didn’t come easily, and friendships were few and far between.
Now, as an adult, I find that those old habits are still with me. I have a handful of genuine friends, and I’m incredibly lucky to be married to someone who understands me deeply. But outside of that small circle, it’s hard for me to connect with others. I often feel like an outsider, even in situations where I should feel comfortable.
It’s not that I don’t want to open up or make new friends...I do. It’s just that the past has a way of making you cautious, of putting up walls that are hard to tear down. And so, I find myself in this strange place, where I’m happy with the life I have, yet I can’t shake the feeling that something’s missing.
This feeling has been on my mind a lot lately. I’m at a point in my life where I thought I’d have everything figured out, but instead, I’m questioning a lot of things. Who am I, really? What do I want from life? And why is it so hard for me to let people in?
I don’t have all the answers, and maybe I never will. But I’m trying to make sense of it all, one day at a time. Writing this down helps, even if it’s just to get the thoughts out of my head and into the open. Maybe, by acknowledging these feelings, I can start to move past them.