It was in June 2009, I was 17, just months away from turning 18. I was full of energy, dreams, and positivity. Life was speeding by, especially in my 2nd year of college. I was just starting to feel like an adult, with the world at my feet. But little did I know, one random day would change everything.
It all started with what seemed like a regular visit to a doctor. But this wasn’t just any doctor... it was one of those "quack" doctors you hear about, somewhere near Bacolod's central market. My mom and I were worried I might have caught the H1N1 virus since it was everywhere. The doctor gave me a strong injection, saying it would help. We immediately headed downtown to buy some medicine. My mom and I split up, each of us standing in line at different pharmacies. That’s when it all started.
According to my mom, there was this sudden panic. People were freaking out because someone had passed out. That someone was me. I had collapsed and hit my head on the sharp edge of the cement floor. I blacked out completely. People called an ambulance, and my mom, in total shock, rushed with me to the hospital, probably praying like crazy that I’d be okay.
In the ER, things got even scarier. I lost my eyesight for a bit, threw up, and the signs weren't good. They ran a bunch of tests, including this one called an EEG to check my brain. They wanted to do a CT scan too, but honestly, I’m not sure if that ever happened. CT scans are expensive, and we didn’t have a lot of money. I can’t blame my mom for that, but part of me wishes I had gotten it done. I was on a lot of meds for the pain and memory issues. One doctor even warned me that there could be long-term effects that might not show up for years. That warning freaks me out until now, and maybe will freak me out until forever.
Life after that was different...way different. I used to be so carefree, ready for any adventure. But after the accident, I was scared. I stopped doing anything that might risk another head injury. Extreme sports? Out of the question. Even things I loved, like playing sports or dreaming about trying ice skating, became too risky. I gave up on the idea of ever bungee jumping, skydiving, or even climbing mountains. The fear of dying from something stupid took over, and it’s still with me today.
Then there was this one time at home when I bumped my head on a door frame. I passed out for a second, and my whole family freaked out. That’s when it really hit me...I’m so vulnerable now. My big dreams of adventure started to fade, replaced by the reality that I have to be careful with everything I do.
I’m not the same person now. My personality has changed, and my memory isn’t what it used to be. I used to be able to remember every little detail about WWI and WWII (Yeah, I looove history). I knew all the important phone numbers by heart and could memorize song lyrics, poems and prose in a snap. But now, that’s gone. My interests changed, too. I no longer like to program. I wanted to shift course, but I guess, I couldn't because I want to graduate on time. I easily gets irritated, and my head hurts a lot more often. Paracetamol has been my companion for more than a year now. Sometimes, I hear my family talk about things from when I was a kid, and I just can’t remember. It’s like pieces of my past are slipping away, and that really scares me. What if... urrrgghh
I have no idea what the future holds, but I really hope that future me is doing okay. I just want to live a good life, even if I have to be careful. To the future me...please don’t die before you’re at least 55, okay? Deal? Marry a good man who would take care of you if you go "crazy" because of your head accident. (Knock on wood)